4 Signs Your Partner May Be Headed for the Exit
If you’re wondering if your relationship is going to last, here are some signals that your partner could be looking for the nearest off-ramp.
There’s a natural ebb and flow to relationships, and the healthiest couples understand that just because a partner gets busy or asks for space doesn’t mean the end is near. There are, however, signs that may portend the beginning of the end. What are they… and what can you do about them?Consider:
Seeking or creating distance. If your partner is spending less time with you, is less available by phone or text, or seems distracted when you are together, it might simply signal a busy season at work or a temporary preoccupation with other matters. However, when the need for space feels extreme or seems ongoing, it may be a sign that your partner is looking for a more lasting change.
If he or she is also finding ways to create distance by picking fights over things that never mattered before, your partner may be looking for a way out. Is your relationship still salvageable? It’s possible, but you won’t save it by becoming clingy and demanding. Chasing a retreating partner never helps. Instead, pull back yourself and give your partner the space he or she seems to need. While some folks say “out of sight, out of mind,” others believe that “absence makes the heart grow fonder.” See which one holds true for you.
Keeping secrets, telling lies. Discovering that your partner is acting stealthy and sneaky doesn’t just mean he or she is headed for the exit — it’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If your partner isn’t passionate about regaining your trust and committing to total honesty, the person who should be looking for the exit is probably you. Don’t kid yourself: some “harmless” fibbing often evolves into outright dishonesty, and small secrets evolve into big deception.
Cranking up the criticism. Traits your partner used to think were charming quirks have suddenly turned into annoying flaws. If your partner has developed a “glass is half empty” attitude toward you or your relationship, it may mean he or she is trying to justify a waning interest. If you see this sign, a heart-to-heart conversation may be in order. And if your partner admits to wanting out of the relationship, say goodbye. Agreeing to part ways now will be less painful than enduring passive-aggressive treatment by someone who wants out but lacks the courage to break it off.
Absence of couple identity. The two of you used to talk for hours about the future, but lately your partner has stopped making references to you as a couple or to your future together. If you’re getting the uneasy feeling that your partner doesn’t view you as a couple—or if your partner’s vision of the future no longer seems to include you in it—your relationship is likely to be short-lived.
Can a relationship recover from this kind of disconnect? It’s possible, but not without some honest conversation about where you’re headed. Perhaps your partner wants to feel like a couple—and may even hope to share your vision for a future together—but needs more time to wrestle with doubts or issues. If, however, your partner believes your relationship has no real future, it’s time to free yourself to meet someone who shares your vision of a healthy, committed relationship.
Letting go of dead-end relationships is never easy. Yet sometimes it’s the only way to embrace something better down the road. Watch for the signposts that your partner is looking for the nearest off-ramp.
5 Dating Rules Seattle Singles Should Never Break
No one said dating was easy, but follow these five rules and you’ll enjoy a richer experience as a single person.
When it comes to your love life, do you wish there was a rule book? While The Rules are so last century, a new dating handbook has yet to be created in the new millennium.
So how do you know the dos and don’ts of dating? The truth is there are no hard and fast rules, but the following guidelines should help you navigate the tricky terrain known as your dating life.
Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut
Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.
Rule #2: Pay Attention to Red Flags
Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. Oftentimes this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we’re not paying attention. To become a truly successful single in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to become a red flag specialist. That means paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on dates. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they’re not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue them.
Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly. Or maybe they claim they’re ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye tells you otherwise. To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don’t match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your time and energy.
Rule #4: Don’t Play Games
Successful singles know what goes around comes around. They also know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. If you don’t want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate way. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing games. Expect the same in return. If you don’t get it, don’t play games by taking that out on the next person you date.
Rule #5: Know When to Say “Game Over”
Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” Here’s how to spot a player: When they approach, they’ll take you off guard with a backhanded compliment/insult along the lines of “you’re too cute to be wearing that” or “I’d buy you a drink, but you probably wouldn’t talk to me.” These tactics are known as The Game. The player’s motive is to take you off guard so that you’re on the defensive and try to make up for it by engaging in their game. The problem is, these players aren’t genuine. Instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say “game over,” and walk (better yet, run!) away.
While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of relationship success.
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